I did not go to bed on time like I said last night. I stayed up until twelve but that is much better than one or two. Baby steps!
I am excited but nervous... this morning I go exercise at Jazzersize for 1 hour. Whooohooo! I am on my way!
Later on today I will do measurements and weight! UG!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
My major set back
Endometriosis! Yes the lovely long E word. For the past four years this has plagued me. I take a hormone (birth control) that I continue three months at a time and then break the cycle so I can have the big P. The pain is so bad that I am guilty of not taking a break after three months are up. I just skip the seven days of yellow pills.
Doctors have prescribed pain killers like you would not believe. When you have three children, you tell me how reasonable that would be to take pain killers like that. What about making dinner, taking care of the house, kids sports, school functions, LIFE! So I would just grit and bare it. I got really good at faking a smile.
MY OPTIONS:
Pain Killers- can't take care of kids properly, grumpy, short, probably would be sleepy, no driving, bad for your organs, and the list goes on.
No Pain Killers- Irritable, depressed during the time of pain, eating food left and right, hurting every second I am awake, and the list goes on.
So this is where it all stems. I exercise for three months with dedication and then when I get off my pills for 1 week I am in pain for the next 5-6 weeks. I get down, and hold on to food for comfort. Then I reach a certain point where I have just completely disregarded my healthy eating and I eat one more cookie! Downward spiral. Now some would say "excuses"... if you were REALLY dedicated you would not give in, even in a time of pain! Okay maybe that is true but I am human as they come.
So what do I do in that 5-6 week time frame? I definitely do not look to my husband for any help when I feel the need to eat. For some odd reason when he tells me to put down that extra fry or if he even tries to motivate me I take it to offence. He is only trying to be helpful and loving but I get really heated and personal. I feel like he is calling me a pig. I actually feel like a pig at that moment! Embarrassed. BUT when a friend tells me I don't take it to heart. So my hub has learned to tread lightly around my weight loss projects.
The last time I had to take my unfortunate yellow pills, I asked my next door neighbor to keep me accountable. Because I know what was ahead of me. When she would ask me how I was doing, I would just feel ashamed and say I ate good. But words do not matter... if my thighs are growing that is proof enough I have been fibbing!
The last time I took my yellow pills I prayed and prayed that God would give me the strength to resist and keep focused on him. It worked great and I was beginning to think I just might be able to jump this hurdle. But then I forgot to pray... or I would look at something unhealthy because it was there, ignore God and just eat it. I could not even thank God to bless the food in the nourishment of my body because I was not nourishing at all!!!
Until tomorrow... because I did say I was to go to bed on time. It is 10:40 and I need to iron my husbands clothes, set my alarm and hop in bed.
Doctors have prescribed pain killers like you would not believe. When you have three children, you tell me how reasonable that would be to take pain killers like that. What about making dinner, taking care of the house, kids sports, school functions, LIFE! So I would just grit and bare it. I got really good at faking a smile.
MY OPTIONS:
Pain Killers- can't take care of kids properly, grumpy, short, probably would be sleepy, no driving, bad for your organs, and the list goes on.
No Pain Killers- Irritable, depressed during the time of pain, eating food left and right, hurting every second I am awake, and the list goes on.
So this is where it all stems. I exercise for three months with dedication and then when I get off my pills for 1 week I am in pain for the next 5-6 weeks. I get down, and hold on to food for comfort. Then I reach a certain point where I have just completely disregarded my healthy eating and I eat one more cookie! Downward spiral. Now some would say "excuses"... if you were REALLY dedicated you would not give in, even in a time of pain! Okay maybe that is true but I am human as they come.
So what do I do in that 5-6 week time frame? I definitely do not look to my husband for any help when I feel the need to eat. For some odd reason when he tells me to put down that extra fry or if he even tries to motivate me I take it to offence. He is only trying to be helpful and loving but I get really heated and personal. I feel like he is calling me a pig. I actually feel like a pig at that moment! Embarrassed. BUT when a friend tells me I don't take it to heart. So my hub has learned to tread lightly around my weight loss projects.
The last time I had to take my unfortunate yellow pills, I asked my next door neighbor to keep me accountable. Because I know what was ahead of me. When she would ask me how I was doing, I would just feel ashamed and say I ate good. But words do not matter... if my thighs are growing that is proof enough I have been fibbing!
The last time I took my yellow pills I prayed and prayed that God would give me the strength to resist and keep focused on him. It worked great and I was beginning to think I just might be able to jump this hurdle. But then I forgot to pray... or I would look at something unhealthy because it was there, ignore God and just eat it. I could not even thank God to bless the food in the nourishment of my body because I was not nourishing at all!!!
Until tomorrow... because I did say I was to go to bed on time. It is 10:40 and I need to iron my husbands clothes, set my alarm and hop in bed.
Configuring
So let me figure this out. 149 days is about 21 weeks. That means I would need to loose about 1.5 lbs a week. It is easy to be obsessive and totally loose track of the whole reason I am here. I don't know how many charts I have made only to fail them.
Last year in October I started working out at Jazzersize again. AWESOME place to be for getting healthy and loosing weight. $39 dollars a month might seem expensive but I have no motivation from home so I need to be in a surrounding that pushes me. I do need to be healthy to take care of my family. Healthy means two things. Eating right and regular exercise. Discipline in these areas I lack greatly.
Getting back to Jazzersize. I have been attending classes there on and off for the past 10 years. I have always benefited but it was only temporary. The only one to blame is myself. They would get me where I needed to be then the minute no one was looking I would just loose track.
Welcome to my world... a continuing vicious cycle.
So tomorrow I am going to attend Jazzersize class and drag my three kiddos along since two of them are out of school for spring break.
Last year in October I started working out at Jazzersize again. AWESOME place to be for getting healthy and loosing weight. $39 dollars a month might seem expensive but I have no motivation from home so I need to be in a surrounding that pushes me. I do need to be healthy to take care of my family. Healthy means two things. Eating right and regular exercise. Discipline in these areas I lack greatly.
Getting back to Jazzersize. I have been attending classes there on and off for the past 10 years. I have always benefited but it was only temporary. The only one to blame is myself. They would get me where I needed to be then the minute no one was looking I would just loose track.
Welcome to my world... a continuing vicious cycle.
So tomorrow I am going to attend Jazzersize class and drag my three kiddos along since two of them are out of school for spring break.
It's the Final Countdown
I have 149 days to loose 30 pounds! On the 149th day I turn 30! I have to get rid of my baby fat sometime!
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